It’s Not Always Paradise

Last night we were sitting outside, as we normally are. The husband was working as I played my game while House was on.

At one point, as if from nowhere, as I sat there with my phone on my hand, I felt the sting. The unmistakable stab of a bee sting. One second everything was honky dory, the next second, excruciating pain. I had felt the lady walking on me, but I hadn’t noticed when she went on my hand. I guess I moved to fast, or almost closed my hand, or she just felt threatened and now I have a bee sting, on the top left corner of the palm of my left hand… This morning is still throbbing and now is swollen.

Last night, as the husband ran inside to get the sting cream, all I could do was sit there and feel the burn. And believe you me, it burns. Not like a hot burn. It’s more like iced fire spreading at lightning speed but just in a microscopic marked off area, while my fingers turned red. The burn of the sting felt like it should spread across my hand and the rest of my body, the way scary movies about deadly viruses almost always have a virtual representation about the course the virus will spread through a metropolitan area, but the burn of the sting does not. So all the pain and burn stayed concentrated in one single stab, as my hand pulsates in pain.

Our bees are wild honey bees. They’re not really stinging bees, so I’m certain that she wasn’t out to get me. The ladies are not making a plan of attack against me. In fact, if and when our bees sting you, they will most likely die. So our bees don’t sting for self defense, they only sting as a last resort and only to protect the colony (when bees sting you, it’s only to release pheromones, so the hive will know that you’re an enemy.) My guess is that I made an unexpected move on her and she panicked.

As a beekeeper, getting stung, is part of life. Every beekeeper worth their salt has been stung. Apparently, I need to figure out ways to move seamlessly with more thought and care, taking gentler steps with less unexpected moves.

The husband and I had a therapy session this past weekend, and while always helpful, I didn’t leave the office with that extra ‘pep on my step’ that I normally have after one of our sessions. I didn’t leave the office feeling like our issue had been resolved and I feel like I might have share just a notch to much. I don’t think that our issues will be resolved within one session, but we have been going to therapy long enough that we have some serious tools under our belts to tackle a lot of problems. The husband didn’t feel completely secured either because after we got home, there was more that we needed to talk about, and as much practice as we have, it’s always a good idea to go back to basic, remain calm, and use ‘I’ statements as opposed to ‘you’ statements, and we may not have managed as well as one would hoped.

Issues are common in any long term relationship, and I don’t expect them to be cleared instantly. Conflict is part of being a human, part of being in a marriage and part of raising a new little human together, so having an issue is not the problem. The fact that it hasn’t been resolved yet, it is beginning to bug me.

But here’s a piece of advise, in the event that you ever turn a corner and find yourselves eye to eye with a bee: just stop, look down and gently walk away backwards. Don’t try to convince the bee that you’re minding your own business or that you were just walking by, definetly don’t ask the bee why they are so upset, and for the love of all natural locally sourced honey, do not question the bee’s memory.

With enough time, plenty of care on top of love and respect, the tension will ease between the two of you and you guys can go about your business as usual.