I wish I was Cool

September 4, 2018 11:11 am

But I’m not. I know that I’m not.

My uncoolness is so vast and expands so many years that I’m sure there’s no way to reverse it. It’s not like some years from now, anybody will ever say, remember the Sus? yeah, she was cool.

Nope, that will never happen.

This feeling of uncoolness, didn’t just appear overnight. In fact, this is decades in the making. Probably stemming from the first time I watched The GodFather. Because Michael Corleone was, besides evil, cold and calculating, at the very center of everything and anything, cool. He was just cool. Of course, I was nine years old the first time I watched the movie and twelve years old, the first time I read the book. (which, by the way, is really good!). But still, that is my standard of coolness. And class. To me, the Corleone family was classy.

But, sometimes, I try to think about my life and a few episodes that I think were funny or interesting, or at the very least memorable, and I can clearly see that the few moments when I had the unmistakable path to undoubtedly cool status, I failed. Miserably. I am not cool.

Lets pretend for a few minutes that I’m wrong. I know that most of you are thinking that the idea of me being wrong feels sticky on your skins and cannot possibly think of a world were ‘the Suse’ might not be right, but let’s just use our imaginations for a second.

Whilst I may have had some serious unquestionable cool experiences, such as the time I spent in the service, that doesn’t make me cool. I also have some really cool skills, like being able to pull apart a pallet and then make that wood into furniture. That still doesn’t make me cool. Even if you add these two things together, which are evidently very cool things to have in your repertoire, they still don’t add up sufficiently to qualify me as cool.

I am just not cool. And, due to the lack of options, that’s ok.

I’m a lot of things. Re-reading all the past post, I’m fast realizing that not only am I not cool, but I sound very much like a narcissist left wing nut job, with some serious judgemntal tendecies, deep subconscious trust issues, and a possible eating disorder.

The husband says that my problem is not that I’m not cool, is that I say what’s on my mind while reacting to something that made me angry. I want to say what’s on my mind at any point in my life. That’s never a good thing.

Also, the kid told me I wasn’t cool. I may need a new hobby…