How many people do we love? 

August 19, 2017 5:05 pm

One of my favorite bloggers is coffee and kink. If you haven’t heard of it, go check it out. It’s an adult blog loaded with valuable information. Well, the author, who calls herself ‘CK’, and her partner lead an alternative lifestyle. That’s not for any of us to judge. A while back she had a very interesting post about Relationships Hierarchy in the world of Polyamory. And it got me thinking: don’t we all live a polyamorus lifestyle?

Here’s an example: I love my husband and my daugther more than anybody or anything else. But they are not the ONLY ones I love. My best friend, the one who lives on the other side of the country, comes in at a very close second. Which I guess would make him my ‘secondary’. I met this person years before my husband and he knows me as much and loves me as much as I love him. I trust him with everything. He was the minister at our wedding, and him and his partner are godparents to our daughter. We have an intimate close relationship. It’s never been sexual because of two things: one, he’s a homosexual male and two, I am not (and apparently that’s “a deal breaker”, I kid!). When I met my husband I didn’t stop loving my best friend. My best friend didn’t stop loving his partner when he met me. (Actually, he hated me and though I was a bitch. I am a bitch, but somehow he loves me).

And then there’s family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, Ms Kathy the baker, who gives my daughter a cookie every time we stop by, who all have a place in my heart. Some I love more than others. Even though these relationship are not as defined as, well, ‘husband’ and ‘best friend’, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them. And yes, some of these people I love very much and I would be heart-broken if they weren’t part of my life. And on the flip side, I have family members, that if I don’t see ever again, I won’t be disappointed. Never mind that, back to the point Sus! (See how easy I get distracted?)

Here’s another example: When I meet a new “mom-friend”, it doesn’t mean that I have to stop caring about an existing “mom-friend”. It definitely doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have room in my heart for her. And I’m positive, that if and when I introduce the new “mom-friend” to existing “mom-friends”, that they would like them as well. I wouldn’t doubt their friendship towards me.

Every person that’s part of my life, is there because they want to be. Every person in our lives fulfills a different need at different levels. One doesn’t take from the other, and more often than not, the people in my life complement each other. I choose to be with my husband every day and we chose to have a kid. I choose the friends I have, and the family I want to stay in contact with. That doesn’t mean that when I meet somebody new, I stop loving them. I do get jealous when one of my mom-friends needs to “take care of her family” instead of coming to have wine with me. Whatevs!

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