Iron and Wine

Our six year anniversary is on Sunday. The “Iron” Anniversary. It’s iron because at the sixth year mark, we are supposed to acknowledge the durability of the partnership, recognize the strength in the relationship, and celebrate the union we have forged. I could sit here and write about marriage, what makes a good one, what makes marriages fail, what are good traits to have and which qualities to bring to the table. The good times I remember and the bad times I tried so many times to forget.

But I have no idea. I’m not a professional, I didn’t read any marriage books, I don’t have “great marriages” examples from my life to draw from, no model family, not even a family member to which I was close with. There’s a part of me that wonders how we managed to Forrest Gump our way into the life that we have. Whenever there’s a new question or problem, we somehow manage to guess an answer. Most of the time it’s the wrong answer.

Last night the husband and I were talking, not about this, but somehow the conversation switched to the fact that we expect almost perfection from each other, and it’s crushingly disappointing when we don’t deliver. The way I express my emotions is argumentative at best and explosive at worst. The husband waits until the last possible straw to tell me something’s off, then wonders why I can’t change over night. The thing is that our expectations are not this high for anybody else, we are much more forgiving of others transgressions than we are of each other’s. I never fight with anybody else, I don’t disagree out loud with anybody, and I don’t spend any time trying to explain or justify anybody else’s behavior.

Do we have a perfect marriage? No. Are we soulmates? NO! We work hard on our marriage, somedays we work very hard! Not every day has been wonderful. There has been (short) stretches of no romance. We have gone to bed mad at each other. We have not been in love every day of our marriage. But we have loved each other every minute of every day. Even when we fight and specially when we’re not together. I would like to think that the husband and I have a strong marriage. A solid foundation of honesty, love, creativeness, and a plethora of common hobbies. We’ve had moments of pure joy, like the minute our daughter was born and moments of pure fear, like the minute right after our daughter was born.

Hundreds of years ago, people got married because it was literally a survival mechanism. People needed and counted on each other for basic needs, like food and shelter. In modern times, my husband doesn’t need me because I cook, and I don’t need him to provide shelter.

I want him with me. I choose to be with him. The truth is that he was my rock when we got married. He is my rock now. I need to be his priority above anyone else, I seek his emotional support, I value his opinion more than anyone else’s, I want his encouragement on all my projects. I don’t think there’s anybody else out there that would put up with our insanities or quirkiness, little less put together. I’m convinced that there’s nobody else in the world for each other. I also think that we’ve made it this far, thanks to wine.

Happy Anniversary!