It’s not that I’m Evil

Ever wonder why I do the things I do? I do. Constantly. Seriously, there’s no reason whatsoever for me to do half the things I do. Most of the time, I get physically hurt and the outcome of the project isn’t what I had in mind. Plus I’ll spend time and resources just to chuck the end result.

One time I wasted two dozen eggs trying to learn how to make pionono. It still didn’t taste right. Once I spent several hundred dollars on fabric and notions to make a Civil War era dress, but I got pregnant and lost interest. I still have the bolts of fabric.

I’m a stay at home mom that gets bored easily. One of the things that the husband and I have discussed in therapy is my need to do projects. My constant need to get things accomplished. That’s my way of shutting my mind. I learn a new skill and then I practice said skill. Sometimes I master said skill, but most of the time I don’t. I still enjoy working on it.

The husband just likes to watch me do things. Sometimes he’ll help, but most of the time he wants to do his own thing, while making sure I’m ok and having fun. This means that most of my time at home when the husband is also there, I spend it by myself. The husband and I trust each other to have fun as each other pleases, but making sure that we are both happy and ok. It’s this trust that allows us to dig in deeper into our hobbies and extra curricular activities (such as writing.)

But before either one gets started on anything, we read about it, we talk about it, we do some more research and then we talk about it some more. A lot. We hash out the entire scheme before we get started, just to iron out all the what ifs. We talk so much, sometimes I have to tell him, “Can I have some room? I’m thinking about something else.”

We never jump head first into anything. So by the time we are working on something we both know each other’s plans, limits and most important, expectations. This last one is important, because if our expectations don’t match, we’re not working on the same project, and that will make the accomplishing of said project almost unattainable. At the end, we want to know that each of us is happy with the results. I think that it’s working on these project that has helped us learn each other’s limitations and short comings. Completing the projects has given us such a huge sense of accomplishment, but it’s the having to talk and explain things to each other that has made us stronger.

When we talk to people about our projects and extra curricular activity, it normally sounds like fun so people want to join in or work on their own project, which I welcome and is always great. What I’ve found is that most of the time, most people don’t have the same basic understanding of each other’s expectations and limits. This is a problem, because when those two things don’t match, feelings are going to be hurt.

Have they looked up instructions, how to’s or watched videos of people doing the project? Have they not discussed the ins and outs of what working together entails? I’m confused about what they thought was going to happened. I have no problem sitting down and explaining things, or answering questions and participating whenever asked. But I kind of need to know what the end goal is before we start. That way I know what is expected of me. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.