UPDATE: I had already published this post by mistake. But as soon as I realized what I had done I took it down. It hadn’t been edited for starters, but most importantly, this particular post was still emotionally raw. Well, whilst still raw, I no longer feel doubts about it. Nor do I feel the need to keep this story private.
One of my favorite blogs to read every day is VSB. It’s a social commentary type of website ran by Damon Young and Panama Jackson. Well, Panama Jackson had a post the other day about how the election of Donald Trump is putting additional friction to the relationship between him and his mother. Actually, the title of the post is How Donald Trump ruined my relationship with my mother. Well, I’m estranged from most of my family. And whilst their support of the current administration didn’t help, the relationships were strained and struggling before then. In fact, it took the birth of my daughter for me to finally walk away from everyone, well before the election. I have to say, I wasn’t really surprised at the ignorance, just disappointed.
With that said, there’s several people that I know that I have a close relationship with that did vote for Donald Trump, and somehow it didn’t affect the relationship. It did a little bit at first, but somehow our friendships got passed it. We don’t discuss politics. Nobody is gloating because nobody has any reason to gloat, and at the same time, before the last election, these weren’t topics that we would had discuss to begin with, so it was easier to move on.
A few months ago, I was at lunch with a mom friend after having done ‘mommy and me yoga’. Now, picture if you will, beautiful day, waterfront restaurant by the New River, boats and yachts floating by. I was having a salad, my friend was having something else, and the girls were sharing a big plate of French fries. The breeze was coming cooling us down and it wasn’t summer yet, so while warm it wasn’t hot. Almost at the end, this conversation took place (all names have been changed):
“I don’t know if you know this, but I live in a Trump house hold” Said mom friend.
“I figured” I replied
“I mean, it wasn’t just Todd.”(Todd is her husband) Mom Friend continued “I also voted for him” She finished looking at me.
At that point I looked up and said “really, MOM FRIEND?! You’re Black!” To which she replied:
“I’m also rich!” She said.
At this point we both had a laugh at her answer. I realized that this wasn’t the time, place or circumstances to discuss it. What I should have said is something on the lines of “NO! Todd is RICH! You’re the trophy wife…” But I couldn’t say that, could I? No. Cause I’m not black, nor rich. So I dropped the subject. We stayed mom friends and never discuss politics, or the administration.
Fast forward to August 12th and the horrible event at Charlottesville, Virginia. We were in Montana, and watched the news in horror. Being that I was in Montana with no actual physical friends, I had made several ‘FaceTime dates with friends”. That week I had a ‘date’ with her and this conversation took place:
“I’m sorry about what happened this weekend…” I said
“What are you talking about?” Mom friend said
“About what happened in Charlottesville, Virginia with the KKK” I responded
“There were TWO sides fighting this weekend!” Mom friend answered.
My jaw dropped and I looked around at some of my family members sitting around the table. I don’t think anybody heard her.
“Ok. How’s everything else?” I changed the subject. The conversation continued that day, but it wasn’t long.
On the plane ride back home I wrote this, sort of ‘talking to her’:
I’m a little disturbed by something you said the other day and the more I think about it the more it bothers me.
When I brought up the occurrences in Charlottesville, Virginia, your response left me breathless. And I quote: “there was two sides attacking each other”
We are talking about “NEO-NAZIS, the KKK and WHITE SUPREMACISTS”
Several questions just came right to my mind, but I couldn’t express my reaction, being that I was in a great place with great people and I didn’t want to get upset.
1. TWO sides fought a civil war to FREE SLAVES. Should the north have stayed at home and not attack the south?
2. 6 million Jews, gypsies and gays died at the hands of Nazis, was the rest of the world supposed to not try to invade Germany?
3. There are 250 well armed MILITIAS around the country ready to attack at a moments notice (look it up, Southern Poverty Law!), and they’re not coming for MY husband OR Yours!. They’re coming for my nephews, they are coming for me, your brothers and your son.
4. How can YOU, a very well educated BLACK woman, think that the KKK (you know, men who would have no problem raping the shit out of you and your daughter and then burning you at the stake) could even have any way to defend this?
5. Hillary Clinton’s email, didn’t RAM a car into a crowd! A fucking racist did and he killed a WOMAN!
With out talking politics, how do I move pass this and still be your friend?
Since getting back home, I’ve been trying to get my life back on track. I discussed this with the husband, and he doesn’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. I’m very hesitant to hang out with her and I don’t want to say anything to her cause, oh surprise, she’s pregnant. Also, do I owe her an explanation? Some times ‘mom-friends’ just ‘loose touch’ and it’s ok. BUT, does that make me a coward? Being that I do have an explanation for not wanting to ‘hang’? Am I overreacting?
UPDATE II: I have talked to her since we’ve been back, but I hadn’t seen her. Today she informed me that she’s getting a gun for her birthday. That’s right a hand gun. I can’t with this woman anymore.