August 27, 2018 1:20 pm

I like meat. I think that if we weren’t meant to eat meat, cows would be faster and bacon would be nasty. There’s no such thing as a “cheetah burger joint that also serves giraffe sausages.” Nobody is trying to make “Kale flavored meat nuggets.”

I can make a killer stake, with the beautiful chard lines on the outside, while only pink, in the inside, yet warm. I can eat half of a whole fried chicken dripping in fat. I will devour pernil starting with a mouth full of the crunchy skin, and my mother in law makes the perfect bar-b- q salmon. We had prime rib for our wedding. I love meat.

Back in my twenties, when I had more free time and nothing better to do, I was a vegetarian. For almost 7 years, I was a vegetarian. It is technically a healthier lifestyle, but only if you do it right. Meaning that you actually eat vegetables, not just French Fries with beef flavored soy. I hated it. I was miserable and I missed meat.

Then I met the husband, who ate and eats meat, as long as it doesn’t look like it came from an animal. For example, he refuses to eat drum sticks, which are my favorite. After a long time, I gave up and began consuming flesh once again. I’m trying to remember how it happened, but for some reason I’m drawing a blank. My body probably said “enough! go get me some cow and pig.”

We went back to eating regular foods, with no real restrictions, other than not to unhealthy. Then we got pregnant and began eating healthier, but with some naughtiness peppered in. It wasn’t until after I was done breast feeding, that I went through some serious learning process. I wanted to learn how each food group affected my system and my attitude. So, I removed everything from my diet, and slowly began incorporating stuff back in. Of course, the usual suspects, like refine sugars and high fructose syrup, would never come back in, but it wasn’t those things that I have missed since then. It’s mostly been cheeses and butter that I miss, but I can’t eat those things on a regular basis. So I compromised, I stopped eating butter, and I make a cashew spreadable cheese that it’s very nice, and I can also make salad dressing with it.

But I drink coffee, and I like my coffee with creamer.

A few months ago, there was a ‘thing’ with 2kicks. I don’t want to talk about it, cause it might be embarrassing for 2kicks when she gets older. But I did what every mother in 2018 does: I went online and asked other moms on the internet what they thought. Comment after comment said the same thing: get her off dairy. The kid doesn’t really love cereal with milk, so that was easy, but she does like yoghurt, pizza and, sometimes, depending on the day, mac n’cheese. I, of course, switched everything to either 1, the vegan equivalent; 2, the local and organic; or 3, I have met the owner and the animal that the dairy is coming from so I know what’s in it. Low and behold her ‘issue’ was gone.

Then I stopped drinking half and half with my coffee and got ‘nut creamer.’ I know that it sounds dirty, but trust me, that creamer actually tastes worse than it sounds. But one thing that I noticed was that I stopped breaking out. I’ve had skin problems since I was seven or eight years old, but a few weeks of no dairy, and my skin improved dramatically.

Since I’m mostly surrounded by pescatarians, vegetarians and vegans, it seems a little bit to me that they are dragging me to this diet. I already know how to make tons of vegan dishes, but it’s they’re support and advise, sounding almost like what the elder members of a cult would say to encourage people to join for a higher purpose, that makes me believe that they might have an alternate agenda, and what’s worse is that it is making me feel better! They’re in my brain…

So when I find some nieces pieces of rib eye stakes, I only call the people that have not been corrupted into a more plant based diet: The Hot One and OMR. They still know how to enjoy a nice slab of meat.

For the record, I don’t think that drinking milk makes me break out, but the additives and hormones definitely messes with my system. I don’t think the kid is lactose intolerant, I think that what ever farmers are are giving their animals, are not settling well with my kid. I still love and eat steaks, pork loins, fried chicken, bacon, and sausage. If I get my hands on it, I can and will destroy a blood sausage, as if my life depended on it. But only while nobody’s watching.